You should do it too!

I love the show “Once Upon a Time.”  It’s so good to have an hour-long drama that’s not about crime, law or medicine.

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I bought my mom a dope birthday present and I can’t wait until she opens it.  Once she does, I’ll share it with you.

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My grandmother has been in the hospital for three weeks and will likely be in for another three.  In the last year she’s spent 1/4 of the time in the hospital.  My heart is heavy.

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I’m working on a fun project to send to her.  It involves my camera and, of course, the baby.

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I had the most divine massage today from this little pixie.  I swear she only weighed a buck oh five, but her hands felt like those of a lumberjack.  If I were rich I would keep her in a jar on the shelf and bring her down once a week to work her magic.

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Did ya’ll see She.mar Moo.re on Ellen this week?  Oh.my.damn!

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Speaking of Ellen, did you see Seal (post break-up announcement) singing Let’s Stay Together?  Awkward!

The Law of Attraction continues to taunt me.  I put a whisper of a thought into the universe and it comes back to me all crooked and distorted.  I am very clear in what I desire and nothing.  Zilch.  Nada.

Sunday night I put the phone number to Regan’s daycare in my phone because I wanted to make sure to answer if they ever call (I’m good for ignoring unrecognized numbers.) 

Monday morning I posted on Facebook my desire for another Snowmageddon so I could be stuck at home and knock some things off my To-Do list.

Monday afternoon, guess what happened?  I got a call from the daycare telling me that Regan’s eye looked red and I needed to come get her to make sure it wasn’t Pink Eye.

So I had to leave work, drive 15 miles to the daycare and then drive like a bat out of hell 25 miles in the opposite direction to get to her pediatrician.  I made it with 5 minutes to spare.  In case you are wondering, I absolutely love Regan’s pediatrician and would never consider changing practices.

As it turns out, she does have pink eye.  So she has to stay home for a couple of days.  Which means I have to stay home with her for a couple of days.

Thanks, Universe.

Except I actually have a ton of work to do and I can’t get anything done because she requires my attention.  She wants to play and eat and cuddle.  I don’t have time for that, I have edits to make for a deliverable this week.  There will be no time to do stuff around the house.  I can get laundry done, but that’s about it.

 When I ask for a seven digit lottery winning or a gainfully employed, handsome goodlooking I get the shaft.  

Thanks, Universe.

I waited until today to write this story so it wouldn’t be littered with a bunch of B’s and f-bombs.  As I was telling my dad the story yesterday he said I still sounded hostile.  Even after going to church last night I was still a little pissed.

See, what had happened was…

Regan and I met up with Kia for a playdate.  After we left I needed to hit up the bank across the street.  I pulled into the line for the drive up ATM.  It’s one of those setups where it’s two ATM machines so it can take two cars at one time.  When I pulled up the front ATM was empty and there was a car at the rear ATM.  The car finished it’s business and left.  The car in front of me pulls up to the rear ATM.  Not the front one so I can access the rear one simultaneously.  The rear one.  Who does that?

I honked my horn and gave a “move up” motion to the driver.  She didn’t budge.  I honked and again and motioned again.  I did not lay on my horn.  I did not shout profanity.  Just a simple honk and wave.  And do you know what this bitch* did?

She stuck her hand out the window and gave me the finger!

Oh.No.She.Didn’t!

Then she pulled up to the front ATM and proceeded to conduct her transaction.  Here’s what, if you are gonna be all Betty Bed Ass and flip the bird, ’tis best to vacate the premises immediately.  Don’t stick around like you just extended me the right hand of fellowship.

I was incensed.  I saw red.  Next thing I know, I had put my car into park and flung the door open.  I was at her car in three steps.  My intention was to break of that middle finger and shove it down her fucking* throat.  I mean was all that necessary?  She was wrong for not pulling up and I get the bird?  Oh, hell no!

I can’t really tell you what happened at this point.  There was some yelling and then she (and her car full of people) drove off.  I guess she saw the angry black woman with the afro and thought it wise to skidaddle.

I marched back to my car seething.  She rounded the building and waved at me like she had won.  But she didn’t win.  Bitch* never even got to put her ATM card in the machine.

I have never been in a fight in my life, but I am certain I would have gone to jail yesterday if she hadn’t pulled off.  I was enraged.  Can you even imagine me having to call my mommy and tell her I need bail money because I got in a fight for getting the finger?  And how would I explain that to DFACS because they surely would have taken my baby away from me.

As I drove home I declared I needed to get into someone’s church immediately.  Clearly my spirit was feeling a bit unrest.  So that’s just what Regan and I did.  Still, I couldn’t help thinking as I went to sleep last night:

I woulda fucked* that bitch* up.

*I really did try to keep it clean.  Just not hard enough I guess.